When It's Time to Take the Keys - What Will That Conversation Look Like?
by Don Drake, Connelly Law Offices, Ltd. 9.6.24
"Previously, we've shared similar blog posts aimed at raising awareness about the complex issue of elderly individuals who may no longer be capable of driving and the sensitive process of addressing this concern," said professional fiduciary and certified elder law Attorney RJ Connelly III. "There continue to be reports detailing incidents where senior citizens unintentionally put themselves and others at risk, such as driving into buildings or entering highways in the wrong direction. Although some media might portray these events as comical, they shed light on a serious problem. Some older adults cannot operate a vehicle safely."
"At Connelly Law, we've had extensive discussions with families dealing with this issue, recognizing the intricacy and sensitivity of the matter, which affects all parties involved," continued Attorney Connelly. "Addressing the issue of driving safety with elderly relatives in Southern New England can be particularly challenging due to the deep connection between driving and independence for many senior citizens. So, what will that conversation look like when it's time to take the keys?" With that in mind, let's look closer at this challenging problem.
Stats for Seniors
Data from the National Safety Council shows a concerning trend in the rise of fatal traffic accidents among young and older drivers. Between 2020 and 2021, there was a nearly 10% increase in fatalities in crashes involving drivers aged 15 to 20, leading to a total of 5,565 deaths. Similarly, among drivers aged sixty-five or older, there was a 15% increase in fatalities during the same period, resulting in over 8,200 deaths.
As per statistical data from law enforcement agencies, the frequency of deadly automobile accidents starts to rise noticeably for individuals aged 70-74 and reaches its peak among those who are 85 years old or older. Within this demographic, males exhibit significantly higher fatality rates. These trends are linked to diminishing visual acuity, declining cognitive abilities, and changes in physical capabilities, all of which can contribute to decreased reaction times.
Senior drivers often face challenges such as failing to yield the right-of-way, not effectively monitoring their surroundings and misjudging the speed or distance of other vehicles. According to statistics from the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA), it has been observed that for every 1,000 individuals involved in crashes, senior drivers are involved in 96.61 accidents. This suggests that as individuals age, the likelihood of them causing or being involved in accidents tends to increase.
According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration (NHTSA), more than 70% of fatal crashes involving senior drivers occur during daytime hours. Additionally, 69% of these incidents happen on weekdays, and almost all of them, about 66%, involve at least one other vehicle. These statistics can be attributed to the fact that many seniors prefer not to drive at night, and weekdays are when most seniors embark on day trips or shopping excursions.
The National Safety Council (NSC) conducted an analysis revealing that the period from June to October experienced the highest number of fatalities from car accidents. October sees the highest number of driver deaths at 4,101, closely followed by August at 4,013, based on the most recent available data from 2021. The increased fatalities during these months are likely due to longer daylight hours and summer vacations, with seniors spending more time on the roads.
Red Flags for Seniors
The National Highway Traffic Safety Administration has also identified twenty signs that may suggest it's time to reassess the driving privileges for older adults:
Drifts into other lanes
Straddles lanes
Makes sudden lane changes
Ignores or misses stop signs and traffic signals
Gets easily confused in traffic
Brakes or stops abruptly without cause
Accelerates suddenly without reason
Coasts to a near stop amid moving traffic
Presses simultaneously on the brake and accelerator while driving
Has difficulty seeing pedestrians, objects, and other vehicles
Is increasingly nervous when driving
Drives at significantly slower than the posted speed
Backs up after missing an exit or road
Difficulty reacting quickly as they process multiple images or sounds
Problems with neck flexibility
Gets lost or disoriented easily, even in familiar places
Fails to use the turn signal or keeps the signal on without changing lanes
Increased "close calls" and "near misses"
Has been issued two or more traffic tickets or warnings in the past two years
Dents and scrapes on the car or fences, mailboxes, garage doors, and curbs
If you have concerns about an older adult's driving ability, open and respectful conversation with them is important. Start by suggesting that they consider taking a driving course to help brush up on their skills. AARP provides a range of driver safety courses nationwide, which can be a valuable resource for older drivers. For further details and a course near you, visit the AARP website.
How to Say Stop
What if their driving skills decline to the point where a refresher course is no longer sufficient? This can lead to difficult conversations about giving up driving privileges. This task is challenging and requires sensitivity. Think back to when you first started driving and made a mistake that resulted in your parents taking away the car keys temporarily. Even though it was temporary, do you remember the sense of loss of independence, albeit briefly?
Now imagine an elderly individual who is already grappling with memory loss, physical limitations, and impaired vision. For many seniors, their car and the ability to travel represent their only remaining form of independence. Imagine the impact of being told that this autonomy will be taken away.
If this discussion becomes necessary, having a plan before approaching your loved one is important. Let's explore what this plan might entail:
Eliminate Other Possibilities. Age is not the only factor impacting a person's ability to drive safely. Vision problems, side effects from medications, heart conditions like tachycardia, chronic pain, and even substance addiction can all be reasons to reconsider someone's ability to continue driving. Considering these factors is important to ensure the driver's and others' safety on the road.
Come prepared with the evidence. When addressing concerns about unsafe driving with a senior, it is advisable to prepare a case by gathering evidence. This can include compiling a list of traffic tickets, accidents, vehicle damage, and statements from neighbors who may have witnessed unsafe driving behaviors. Being specific and thorough in gathering evidence can help you approach the sensitive topic of unsafe driving with your loved one in a supportive and proactive manner rather than waiting for a judicial intervention that could potentially lead to embarrassment.
What If You Can't? If you feel like you cannot perform this task, it's important to seek help from a professional. Consider consulting a doctor to obtain a written statement advising against driving, and if necessary, reach out to a local clergy member or a counselor who can assist in the discussion if you find it challenging to do so on your own.
Highlight the Positives. Consider the potential cost savings of giving up car ownership. This could include savings on expenses such as gas, oil changes, insurance, and more.
Other Options. Make sure to have alternative transportation arrangements or other suggestions ready.
Outside Help. Discover local home health care agencies that provide personalized in-home medical and personal care services. Find reliable grocery delivery services that offer fresh, high-quality groceries delivered to your doorstep. Also, consider exploring meal delivery services that provide delicious and convenient meal options delivered to your home.
The specific actions we outlined are important, but let's also consider the emotional aspect of the conversation. We recommend the following approach:
Don’t play "hardball". Taking away the car keys from a senior citizen can be a significant blow to their sense of independence and autonomy, and it represents a major life change. When approaching this conversation, it's crucial to do so with empathy and understanding. Put yourself in their shoes and consider how you would feel if you were in their situation. This can help you approach the conversation with sensitivity and thoughtfulness.
Have Total Family Support. When addressing a major issue within the family, it's important to involve other family members in the conversation. Doing so can prevent potential problems if the issue is addressed alone, such as creating discord within the family and causing people to take sides. It's essential to avoid adding additional family discord to the existing problem, so engaging other family members in the discussion can help maintain a fair and balanced approach to finding a resolution.
Treat the Senior with Respect. When conversing with your loved one, it's crucial to remember the history you've shared with them and the support they've provided you during both challenging and joyous times. Approach the conversation with a mindset of mutual respect and equality, avoiding any language perceived as accusatory or confrontational. Prioritize open, honest communication to address the facts and any potential risks involved. “We don’t want you to get hurt or to hurt others” is the best way to share your concerns.
Options. Discuss the various options for participating in a ride-sharing program to connect with others experiencing similar challenges. Aging is a natural part of life, and it's important to acknowledge that as we get older, we may encounter limitations. By exploring ride-sharing programs and their potential for facilitating social connections among older individuals, we can better understand how to navigate these changes and maintain active and engaged lives.
Set Guidelines. When taking the car out, please proceed with caution. Avoid driving in low-light conditions or during rain. Refrain from using highways and ensure no children or grandchildren are inside the car.
Disable the Car. Suppose you have exhausted all attempts to persuade individuals that they should not be driving, particularly if they are struggling with dementia. In that case, it may be necessary to disable the car. One effective method is to disconnect the battery cable or other key electrical components. This action can help ensure the individual's and others' safety on the road.
After completing this task, it's important to help the individual set up alternative transportation and other forms of assistance until they feel comfortable managing these tasks independently. Removing their ability to drive may diminish their self-sufficiency. Still, by helping them establish other ways to be self-sufficient, you are enabling them to maintain autonomy in different aspects of their lives.
We have had conversations with numerous family members who have gone through this process with a loved one. After the decision to stop driving, the family members and the senior felt a sense of relief. One family shared that their mother expressed months later, "I don't know why I didn't do this earlier."
A Final Word
"Elderly drivers encounter distinct challenges while operating vehicles and can take proactive measures to mitigate the risk of automobile accidents," stated Attorney Connelly. "Fatalities among senior citizens most frequently occur during daytime hours and on weekdays. Despite the increasing difficulty of driving as individuals age, the adoption of regular eye examinations, maintenance of overall health, engagement in physical activity, and vigilance in monitoring medication for potential side effects that could compromise driving ability are fundamental strategies for enhancing the safety of senior drivers on the road. Although suggesting that a loved one cease driving may appear to be a straightforward resolution, it signifies a significant loss of independence for seniors, necessitating practical and emotional support during this transition."
Please note that the information provided in this blog is not intended to and should not be construed as legal, financial, or medical advice. The content, materials, and information presented in this blog are solely for general informational purposes and may not be the most up-to-date information available regarding legal, financial, or medical matters. This blog may also contain links to other third-party websites that are included for the convenience of the reader or user. Please note that Connelly Law Offices, Ltd. does not necessarily recommend or endorse the contents of such third-party sites. If you have any particular legal matters, financial concerns, or medical issues, we strongly advise you to consult your attorney, professional fiduciary advisor, or medical provider.