Senior Bullying Behaviors - Intimidation, Manipulation, and Aggression
by Don Drake, Connelly Law Offices, Ltd. 7.26.24
"There continues to be an increase in concerns about bullying in senior programs, such as assisted living, senior centers, and subsidized senior housing. Addressing bullying among seniors is an urgent issue that requires immediate attention. As a result, we wanted to update and republish a blog post about this problem that we previously published," said RJ Connelly III, a professional fiduciary and certified elder law Attorney. "Reports indicate that between ten to twenty percent of seniors experience bullying from their peers. We must acknowledge and address this issue effectively. However, it is important to understand the nature of bullying in senior care facilities and how we define and classify it."
The federal government defines "bullying" as aggressive and unwanted behaviors that are repeated and involve an imbalance of power between the parties involved. The power imbalance can manifest in numerous ways, ranging from the subtle act of designating a "group leader" for activities to more overt forms of control, such as determining the television program or deciding who sits at specific tables during lunch. Bullying can also take the form of direct actions such as physical assault and verbal harassment, as well as indirect behaviors like spreading rumors, false stories, and mocking others. Repeating these behaviors increases the likelihood of their continuation if left unaddressed.
Senior Bullying is Not a Playground Term
It's important to remember that the term 'bullying' is often associated with childhood conflicts and playground disputes. When it comes to adults or seniors, however, this term may not fully capture the severity of the aggressive behavior they experience. Victims of such behavior, particularly among the elderly, often feel that the word 'bullying' doesn't adequately express the harm they have endured. This type of behavior can involve intimidation, manipulation, and both physical and verbal assault. The harmful nature of these behaviors should not be underestimated by labeling them as mere "bullying." These actions can have serious consequences and should not be dismissed as harmless "childhood pranks" when perpetrated by older adults.
It's also important to note that these behaviors differ among different subsets of seniors. For example, seniors with a history of addiction or criminality may use these behaviors to fulfill their needs, as their past experiences may have led them to develop coping mechanisms not commonly seen among the average senior population. Similarly, individuals diagnosed with certain mental health disorders may exhibit a distinct range of behaviors that can be harmful.
Attorney Connelly stated, "We have noticed increased reports of such activities over the decades. I'm unsure whether the behavior has increased due to societal changes or if we are witnessing more of it due to the larger number of seniors in programs today, some of whom have troubled histories. In any case, this behavior is unacceptable. Below, I will illustrate two actual examples of seniors in the Boston area displaying toxic behaviors that caused issues for both staff and residents and threatened the integrity of the respective programs."
Tom the Manipulator
Significant challenges have marked Tom's life, as he has navigated through various shelters, treatment programs, and correctional facilities. When he transitioned to a senior living community from his prior residence in Boston's Mattapan neighborhood, it was hoped that he would find stability and support. However, Tom's behavior proved to be disruptive from the onset, as he returned to old patterns of using and attempting to sell illicit substances within the community. This led to his entry into a detox program and subsequent participation in a treatment program to reintegrate into the senior living community.
Despite these efforts, Tom's issues resurfaced upon his return to the senior housing program. He utilized his anti-social charm to persuade female residents to purchase assorted items for him, such as coffee and cigarettes. He employed physical and verbal intimidation tactics to extract money and other goods from male residents. Additionally, he managed to manipulate and coerce staff members at the facility to fulfill his demands.
There was an instance where Tom shared his alleged financial constraints and inability to purchase gifts for his grandchildren with a staff member. He persuaded the staff member to buy a radio from him at a highly inflated price, far beyond its actual worth, by framing it as a means to provide his grandchildren with an "extraordinary" Christmas.
There were three huge problems with Tom’s story:
He did not have grandchildren.
Staff were not allowed to buy or sell items to or from residents per the program's policies.
The radio he sold was stolen from another resident.
Tom exploited the staff member's gesture of goodwill to manipulate her into supplying him with cigarettes daily. He threatened to report the staff member for buying the stolen item if she did not comply. As a result, the staff member met with the program manager and admitted to breaking the program's rules, while Tom took pleasure in the naivety of the staff member and other residents.
Mean Gina
In another senior community, there was an unsettling incident involving a resident, whom we'll refer to as Gina. Gina was discovered coercing other female residents into giving her access to their EBT or debit cards and then using them for her benefit. When a social worker confronted her about her actions, Gina responded by spreading rumors about the staff member and subtly making threats.
During one interaction, Gina even made a disturbing reference to a movie about a "social worker prying into a client's life and meeting a tragic fate." Gina even invited the staff member to watch the non-existent film with her.
Further, Gina took steps to locate the staff member's home address using the internet and later sent the staff member an envelope containing only a blank piece of paper. Not long after, Gina made a chilling remark to the staff member about the fear of receiving an anonymous letter in the mail and the unsettling feeling of someone knowing their home address and "stalking them."
The staff member reported this indirect threat to the program director, resulting in Gina being relocated to another facility, where her manipulative behaviors continued to be documented and reported.
Subtle Forms of Bullying
Most negative behaviors manifest more subtly than the extreme examples portrayed in the stories of Tom and Gina but are still problematic. These behaviors include:
Engaging in negative gossip about others.
Making jokes at someone else's expense in a hurtful manner.
Utilizing sarcasm in a way that belittles or demeans others.
Engaging in condescending eye contact, using inappropriate facial expressions, or mimicking someone else's mannerisms, accent, or habits mockingly.
Deliberately embarrassing someone or exploiting their insecurities.
Social exclusion, such as ignoring someone while they attempt to join a group activity.
Intentionally harming another person's happiness or well-being can involve concealing or destroying mail or failing to notify someone about an important upcoming event.
It is important to remember that not all aggressive behavior is necessarily driven by malicious intent. Certain behaviors might be influenced by factors such as aging or the environment, rather than deliberate malice.
When Aggression Has Clinical Causes
Adjusting to life in an elderly living community can be challenging for many seniors, potentially leading to a sense of powerlessness and stress. This feeling of loss of control may manifest in verbally or physically aggressive behavior to assert some control. Additionally, seniors with dementia who struggle to express their distress positively may also exhibit such behavior.
In these situations, several risk factors may contribute to the aggression, including:
Being new to the community and feeling like an outsider.
Transitioning from a familiar living situation to an unfamiliar community setting.
Uncertainty about what to expect from others within the community.
Lacking a solid support system.
Substance abuse or misuse.
Heavy dependence on others for daily needs.
Suffering from a mental illness.
Displaying quiet, shy, or passive behaviors that may mask inner distress.
When conducting biopsychosocial assessments designed for seniors, staff must share the background information of elderly individuals transitioning to a new living environment with other staff members who interact with them regularly. Understanding whether someone has a history of criminal behavior, or a negative lifestyle is crucial in determining if their aggressive behavior is a continuation of their history or a response to significant changes in their living situation.
A Recent Presentation
On Wednesday, July 25th, Connelly Law delivered an educational seminar on senior bullying at the Pawcatuck Neighborhood Center in Pawcatuck, Connecticut. Cheney Giordano, the center's Marketing and Communications Manager, graciously welcomed us to provide insights to the seniors. The seminar drew a substantial crowd and provided information on this topic to those in attendance.
According to Cheney, while senior bullying isn't a prevalent issue at the center, she has heard concerning stories about inappropriate behaviors occurring outside the center's activities. These behaviors are often subtle but impactful, so the seminar aimed to equip both the victims and witnesses with the tools to empower themselves.
The training material encompassed an overview of identifying bullying behaviors, differentiating between bullying and other behaviors, understanding the impact of bullying on victims and witnesses, and recognizing that being targeted by a bully does not define an individual's worth. Additionally, the training provided practical strategies for effectively responding to such behaviors.
The workbook that accompanied the training featured interactive exercises that were completed collaboratively. Participants engaged in sharing personal anecdotes and found value in the practical recommendations provided for effectively addressing these behaviors.
Staff Interventions
In programs where bullying occurs, it is imperative to create and communicate a comprehensive policy that forbids any form of disrespectful or threatening behavior toward fellow seniors or staff members. The policy should be communicated to everyone involved, and mechanisms should be in place to reinforce it and ensure accountability regularly. Prompt intervention and holding individuals responsible are crucial to ending or modifying these behaviors.
The treatment team or program director should swiftly implement interventions to identify and modify disrespectful and threatening behaviors. Understanding the underlying reasons for the perpetrator's need for control is key to addressing the behavior effectively. Sometimes, the behavior may be deeply ingrained, necessitating prompt identification and developing a behavioral plan or contract for intervention with the perpetrator(s).
Additionally, individuals who have been victimized require support and reinforcement. It is beneficial for them to learn techniques to protect themselves in similar circumstances, including assertiveness skills that empower them to advocate for themselves. However, it should be noted that teaching assertive skills to victimized seniors should be conducted by someone with appropriate skills and empathy.
Seniors who lack assertiveness may unfairly blame themselves for being victimized, burdening themselves with the responsibility to protect themselves when, for most of their lives, they have been in safe and supportive environments. Remember, no one should live in constant fear at any age, and it's unfair to punish them for not having these skills or being unable to learn them due to another individual's behavior.
A Final Word
"Dealing with elderly individuals who exhibit aggressive or manipulative behavior poses a significant challenge," remarked Attorney Connelly. "However, we must recognize every senior's right, especially those living away from their familiar surroundings, to reside in a tranquil environment. Providers of elderly care services must ensure the safest and most supportive living conditions for them. In situations where modifying bullying behavior is ineffective, the best course of action may involve removing the perpetrators from the program and, if possible, evicting them to safeguard the well-being of everyone else involved. Continuous support and education should also be provided to those affected."
Please note that the information provided in this blog is not intended to and should not be construed as legal, financial, or medical advice. The content, materials, and information presented in this blog are solely for general informational purposes and may not be the most up-to-date information available regarding legal, financial, or medical matters. This blog may also contain links to other third-party websites that are included for the convenience of the reader or user. Please note that Connelly Law Offices, Ltd. does not necessarily recommend or endorse the contents of such third-party sites. If you have any particular legal matters, financial concerns, or medical issues, we strongly advise you to consult your attorney, professional fiduciary advisor, or medical provider.
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